). Gouge out its eyes with a corkscrew and place
whole garlic bulbs in the sockets. Fill the nose with Limburger cheese. When
B*rney's tail is completely ground, shove its head in an ordinary gas oven -
*without igniting the pilot light*. Close all the windows & doors, leave the
house, and go on an overnight trip. When you return the following morning, the
Magenta Menace should be done to a faretheewell... ;-)
from Lorrill Buyens (buyensl@primenet.com).
Green Barney and Ham recipe:
- 1 barney, well fed (corn fed barney recommended)
- 1 can of green spraypaint (krylon of course)
- 1 dozen eggs
- 1 huge oven
Ok take your barney, spray paint the shit out of him, then like stick em
in the oven for about 1 1/2 hours at 400degrees, serve with eggs cooked
to your choice =]
Barney Pie
- 1 large Barney cut up into bite size peices
- 1 package of Pillsbury already pie crust
- 1 C. sugar
- 1 Tbp. corn starch
- 1/4 C. water
Mix Barney peices and sugar. Then mix together corn starch and water
until it is a pasty mix. Next mix your sugar and Barney peices with
your corn starch and water mix. Blend on High for 15 minutes, or until
it begins to rink. Pour into crusts and bake on 350 F for about 20
minutes or until brown. Chill and serve.
from Oslund, Lee A.
Bharn'i Cookies
- 1 tied and gagged Molestosaurus
- flour
- sugar
- chainsaw
- 1 vat of boiling acid
Use the chainsaw to cut Barney up, leave him alive though! Combine all
the ingredients, stuff them into Barney's Mouth.
Use meat tenderizer when bored, dip into acid
from znchen@sprynet.com
B'harnie & Fiends Stew
Needed:
- One Purple Bastard
- One Whiney Green Dino
- One Puke-Inducing somethingasaurus
- Four Kiddies
- A big slab of meat
- A big pot
- A fire
Directions:Cut up meat and place in big pot (which should be on
the fire) Deposit dinos in pot. Ignore screams for mercy. Then
deposit kiddies in pot and stir until done.
Serve warm.
from Sir Timothy
SZECHUAN BARNEY
- 1LB. lean Barney fillet
- 1 tablespoon sunflower oil
- 1 garlic clove, finely chopped
- 1/2-inch piece ginger root, peeled and finely chopped
- 1 tablespoon hoisin sauce
- 1 teaspoon Szechuan peppercorns, toasted and ground
- 4oz. vegtable chow-chow
- 1 teaspoon sugar
- shredded green onions to garnish
Trim any fat and sliver skin from Barney.(leaves approx. 1lb meat)
Remove all bones and cut Barney into very thin slices. Heat oil in a
non-stick or well seasoned wok and stirfry Barney, garlic, ginger, and
green onions 1 minute or until Barney is browned. Add remaining
ingredients and stir-fry 3 or 4 minutes or until Barney is
cooked through(**warning eating raw or un-cooked Barney could be fatal).
Garnish with Shredded green onions and serve on rice.
Makes 4 servings: Total Calories: 790 Calories per portion: 197
Total Fat: 36.9 g Fat per portion: 9.2 g
from Steve Wilding
Nick's and Jon's Barney Surprise
- 1 Barney
- 1 Baseball Bat
- 1 Uzi (or a automatic weapon) just in case he misbehaves
- 1 Pencil Shaperner With Large Hole
- 1 Butcher's Knife
- 1 Big Chopping Board
- 2 Rottweilers (make sure their rabid)
- 1 Big Pot
- 1 Tank of Piranahs
- 1 gallon of chloric acid
Take a Barney and knock baseball bat.(Hit him or it more if you feel
happy.) Take the knife and chop off his tail and put it in the pencil
sharpener (this will be the seasoning.) Take the Barney and chop off
various body parts. If he tries to run release the dogs. Take the barney
pieces and put the in pot of boiling water. Stir in pirahnas leave some in
the tank for later. Shoot a few rounds in the pot just in case. Take the
pot and dump it into the tank of pirahnas. Stir well for 15 min. Take
what's left and put it on a plate and cover it with acid and what's left
of his tail. ENJOY!!!
from Michael
Powers
BARNEY SHAKES
Ingredients-
- One gallon of vanilla ice cream
- Vanilla
- One LIVE Barney (He MUST suffer!)
- One freakin' big blender, with a VERY &%#& - ing big blade
Preparation-
Put all ingredients into the blender except for the
Barney. Take him and strap him to a table. Take a sharp knife and cut
into cubic inches, one a minute. Make sure Barney is alive. If the
screaming is too much, cut his tounge out and pour hydroflouric acid
down his throat (just a bit. He has to be living.). When you have cut
most of him up, insert the remaining parts into blender. Put on WHIP for
one hour. Serve in tall glass with cherry on top, adding whipped cream,
if desired. Serves 30.
from Ted Stumps
Breaded Barney
- One live Barney.
- Two to Three Loaves of Bread.
- A BIG stove.
- Three eggs.
- Sharp objects (Nails, knives, swords, spears, saws, etc)
- One quart of milk.
Step 1-Tell Barney to stand still against a wall. Then pin
him (Literally) against the wall with your sharp objects. Continue until
he is in pieces. Remove vital organs and bones.
Step 2-Mix milk and egg whites together and dip what's left of Barney in
the mixture.
Step 3-Turn on the heat full blast on the stove and rip apart the loaves.
Deposite the crumbs on a pan on the stove.
Step 4-Throw the wet meat onto the crumbs and turn them over and over,
coating them entirely in the crumbs.
Step 5-Cook the breaded meat a little longer and then shut off the stove.
Enjoy!
from sagers@pacific.net
Barney Ramen
- 1 Barney (live)
- 1 package of Ramen (any flavor)
- 2 cups water
- Seasonings
Put two cups of water in a small pot or saucepan.
Then add the flavoring packet and other desired seaonings,then turn it on
high.
While waiting for the water to boil,cut pieces out of your Barney.
When water starts to boil,put in ramen and barney pieces (and maybe some
blood
as well).
Cook for 3 minutes.
Turn off heat,drain (optional),and serve.
from astevens@pacific.telebyte.com
KENTUCKY FRIED BARNEY
- 1 live Barney
- 1 large vat of the Colonel's special batter dip (regular or extra crispy)
- Some salt
- 1 industrial-size deep-fryer
- 500 gallons cooking oil
- French fries and biscuits
- Several hundred brightly colored paperboard buckets
- A flensing spade
Using the flensing spade, skin your Barney, making sure to remove all
purple. (Save the skin; it can be shipped to KFB corporate to be processed
into seat covers for your restaurant.) Clean. Divide into sections, as you
would a chicken. Separate the pieces by type of meat (breast and "wing" are
light meat, thigh and leg are dark meat). Put the usable internal organs
(liver, gizzard) aside or refrigerate for future use (see Aunt Esther's
special Chopped Barney Liver recipe, coming soon). Dip each piece in the
special batter. Heat the oil to the proper temperature for your fryer,
place the cut white meat parts in one basket, the dark parts (and gizzard,
if desired) into another, and lower carefully into the hot oil. Fry until
crispy. Remove, drain, salt, and place into cardboard buckets for sale with
side orders of french fries and/or biscuits. (Be sure to charge extra for
all white meat.) One medium-sized Barney should yield enough product to
feed several dozen hungry customers.
from Jon Jerome
Barney Burger
- 1 live Barney
- 1 slice of limburger cheese
- Any amount of burger buns
- 1 phlegm wad
First, you have to slice Barney up into as many round pieces that fit on the
buns as you possible can(To do this, but the bun on him, and then use a
knife
to cut around him). Next put him on a grill, and cook him at high until
prepared at medium rare, or however you like your burgers cooked. After
that,
take him off the grille, and put him on the bottom bun, placing the cheese
over him. Finally, hock up a big ol' phlegm wad, and spit it on the
burger(To
add flavor of course). Then, put the buns together, and eat it. Eureeka!! a
fresh Barney Burger.
from JuntaFreak@aol.com
Barneykabob
You will need:
- 1 large Barney
- Truckload of assorted vegetables
- 200 lbs. of shrimp
- one hell of a long skewer
Prepare Barney for cooking by killing him in the worst way imaginable,
cutting out all internal organs, removing all bones, and cutting off the
head (shouldn't be heavy since there is no brain inside). Slice all
veggies into bite size pieces (should be started at least two days before
final preparation, try it and you'll see why). Put all pieces of meat,
vegetables, and shrimp onto skewer. Grill for an hour, let cool, and
enjoy!
Serves 10,000+
from Ben Reitzug
Jerky Barney
- 1 Barney the Purple Child-Molester
- 1 very sharp knife
- plenty of sunlight
Take the purple freak, and flay his skin off with your knife....all of
it. Then Slice the sheets into foot long by 4 inch strips. Place them
out in the sun under a mosquito net cover to dry up in the sun. Season
with spices and salt and serve up!^_^ (As for Barney, you can anoint
his wounds with hydrochloric acid, then push him in the pool.)
from The Dark Saiyajin
Thanksgiving Barney Feast
- 1 unsuspecting Barney (preferably happy for being invited)
- 18 loaves crusty bread
- 1 cup herbs and spices for seasoning
- 1 large pot
- 1 large baster
- 10 agitated Barney-haters hiding behind various pieces of furniture
- 10 Louisville Slugger improvised "tenderizers"
- 1 camcorder (spare battery may be a good idea)
- 1 over-sized roasting oven
- 1 extra-strength balloon. (Such as used in hot-air variety)
- 1 thin blunt metal object, about 4ft in length
- 3 jars vaseline
- 1 cylinder helium
- 10 cans cranberry sauce
Preparation:
Tell Barney it's time to make dinner. Watch him bounce up and down
delightedly. Grin.
Take him to the kitchen. Show him the 'implements'. When asked what
the balloon and metal rod are for, keep grinning. (The nervousness and
shaking help to tenderize the Barney) When Barney decides he wants to
leave, signal hidden haters to carry out 'the plan'. While Barney is
being tenderized, prepare stuffing with bread and spices in large pot.
When the beating has rendered Barney unconscious, call off the senseless
brutality and preheat oven to 400 degrees.
Have a volunteer hold the balloon while you insert the metal rod into
the open end. Wrap balloon securely around the rod and lubricate
excessively with vaseline. With Barney held down (he's bound to wake
up), insert tool in cake-hole , careful not to overly disturb internal
organs. Barney must remain alive. Remove rod once balloon is in place,
then attach 1st helium cylinder. Open cylinder valve and fill balloon
until Barney is approximately 3 times original size. Concentrating on
Barney's skin in case the pressure threatens to rupture him and ruin the
feast. Also, stop if Barney's screams become faint. He must stay
alive. Remove balloon from the Barney. He will deflate, but still be
"loose" enough.
Stuff breading into newly loosened orifice. Be sure not to waste
any. Breading should be hot so as to cause pain. A volunteer may also
twist Barney's nipples to make sure he stays conscious.
Open over door and heave limp Barney inside. Close door. Roast for
approx. 3 hrs. Garnish with cranberry sauce.
Sell tape to CNN. (to make sure it is played many many many times.)
Serves 20. Entertains millions.
from Carl Brennan
BARNEY A LA GREK
- 1 medium Barney
- 3 cups cooked pasta (any kind will suffice)
- 1 clove garlic
- 1 can black olives (may use fresh olives)
- 1/2 cup grated parmesian cheese
- oil
- vinegar
Boil Barney parts for 20 minutes. Drain and cube. Mix cubed Barney with
three cups of cooked pasta. Grate one clove of garlic and add to
mixture. Add remaining ingredients and top with oil and vinegar to taste.
from sh3040@WCUVAX1.WCU.EDU
Barney Pinata Surprise
Ingredients:
- One diced DEAD Barney
- Assorted wrapped candy
- One tacky Pinata
Make sure the dead Barney has been completely dead for at least a week
and is becomming rancid. Unwrap the assorted candies, place the diced
Barney parts in the wrappers. Stuff in the Pinata.
Tell the cast of Barney (the kids, cameramen, crew, the whole shabang)
that there is a special prize for whoever eats the most candy after the
pinata is broken. Have the coroner use purple body bags.
from Kevin Harte
Barney Pizza
Ingredients:
- 1 live Barney
- approx. a ton of shredded mozzerella cheese
- 1 sharp knife
- 1 freakin' big pizza crust
- 1 %&#$ing big blender
- 1 REALLY FREAKING BIG oven
Directions:
Take your Barney and slice up the tail like you would cut bread. This is
the topping. Put the rest of the Barney into the blender. Make sure it
is blended into a paste. This is the sauce. Preheat oven to 500 degree
F. Spread the Barney sauce onto the crust and cover with mozzerella
cheese. Add sliced tail. Pop it in the oven and cook it for 1 hour.
Enjoy!
from thefews
Barney Chips and Dip
This recipe is simple and very tasty! Ingredients include:
- 1 Barney
- 1 very large butcher knife
- 1 HULKING toe-nail clipper
- large oven
- a bowl
Instructions: Take your Barney and stab repeatedly with the knife. Use the
toe nail clipper to snip off your Barney's nails. Take the Barney's blood
out and put it in your bowl, along with the toe nails. Cook for 20 minutes,
remove and eat! Enjoy your Barney chips and dip!
from Luke
Barney Popsicles
Ingredients:
- 1 Barney
- 1 huge blender
- 1 VERY FREAKING LARGE tray of popsicle molds
- 1 sharp sharp sharp knife.
Directions:
Get lots of barney's blood. put it in a Tupperware for later. Cut yer
barney up and take out his ribs. Set them aside. Remove the rest of the
bones. Trashe them(or make an abstract sculpture with them as a trophy
of the Hellwyrm's death). Shove yer Barney in the blender and blend him
to a paste. Pour the blood in at this point. Continue to blend barney
until he is a liquid.(Oh yeah, make sure he's alive when you first stick
'im in the blender.) Pour this liquid into the molds and stick the ribs
in. Freeze. Bon appetit!
from thefews
Barney Spaghetti and Eyeballs
This recipe is fairly hard, but worth it!
Ingredients:
- One box of regular spaghetti
- One live Barney
- One big ol' papershredder(or anything that will reduce him to strips
that resemble spaghetti noodles)
- One blender
- Two tomatoes
- Some herbs
Directions:
Take your Barney. Remove his brain and small intestine. Put these with
the tomatoes. Also remove the eyes. Don't damage them. De-bone your Barney
and send him through the papershredder(or whatever). Put the spaghetti in a
pot with the barney noodles. Cook them. While you're waiting, put the tomatoes,
brain, and intestine in the blender. Mix it to a sauce and add herbs.
When the noodles are done, drain them and put them on a plate. Add the
sauce and eyeballs. Serve.
from Ice
WyrmFries
Serve with the Barney Burgers and a Barney Shake.(If you run out of
Barney, use another Wyrm)
Ingredients:
- one knife
- one live Wyrm
- some salt
- some sauce(optional)
- one deep-fat fryer
Directions:
Debone your Wyrm. Cut it into long strips the width and thickness of
fries. Then cut the strips into fry-length pieces. The cutting will take
a while, but trust me, it's worth it. Put these in the deep-fat fryer
for a long time. Wait until they're well-cooked, then put them in paper
cups and serve with optional side orders of sauce(ketchup, honey, or other).
Don't forget to serve with a Barney shake and a Barney Burger.
from Ice
WyrmNuggets
This is a lovely alternative to the Barney Burgers.
What you'll need:
- One live Wyrm(Barney, BJ, or Baby Bop)
- One sharp knife
- Lots of crusty bread
- One cookie sheet(you may need more)
- One oven
Directions:
Skin your wyrm. This skin can be hung apon your wall, or made into
clothes, or used for Barney Jerky. Then cut your Wyrm into small
nuggets. This, like the fries, will take awhile. Once you've done that,
preheat the oven to 450 degrees F, and start breaking up the bread and
depositing the cumbs on a cookie sheet. Start breading the nuggets,
making sure each one is thoroughly and thickly breaded. Then, put them
on as many cookie sheets as you need, and pop 'em in the oven for 1
hour. Bring them out and serve them in paper cups like the fries. Don't
forget to serve with Wyrm Fries and a Barney Shake.
from Ice
Super-hot Barney Taco& Nacho Dip
- 1 dead Barney chopped into smitherines
- 10 Velveta Cheddar Cheese Packs
- 1 whole gallon of Pace Thick n' Chunky Salsa
- 7 Jalepeno Peppers
- 1 bottle Of Tobasco Sauce
- 1/2 cup of Hot Sauce
First melt the cheese and then add the chopped Barney and mix, then pour the
gallon of the salsa in and mix again. Chop the Jalepeno peppers and add the
bottle of tobasco sauce and the half cup of hot sauce and stir until it's
like yougurt. Pop it in the microwave on 300 degrees. After 15 minutes take
it out and you have the heck of a dip. It should be big enough to serve a
whole party. You can even use a cheese stuffed tortilla. Enjoy the dip!
SARA546@aol.com
Barney gut punch:
Ingreedience:
- One live barney
- A GMC truck
- A bucket
- A little suger
Take the live barney and strap him to a brick wall. Drive the truck
into him at about 135 Km per hour. Take your bucket and scoop barney guts
of the road. Stir the Barney guts up and take out any solid parts. Put in
fridge for about 20 minutes and voila!! Your very own Barney gut punch.
Donna Maciel
Stuffed Barney
Is turkey too overpriced? Try this instead when Thanksgiving comes
around.
Ingredients and Equipment:
- 1 live Barney
- 1 box of stuffing
- 1 meat timer
- 50 radishes or small tomatoes(and I mean SMALL, say about the size of a radish)
- 1 sprig of parsley
- 1 oven
- one hell of a big plate
Directions:
Cut off your barney's tail. Open the box of stuffing. Preheat the oven
to 500 degrees F. Completely empty your Barney of intestines. Listen to
the screams of pain which end when his lungs are taken out. Behead him
and end his obvious misery. Smile with satisfaction. Stuff your Barney.
When the oven is fully preheated, stick the meat timer in him and put
him in the oven for about an hour. When he's done(when the meat timer
pops up), take him out. Put him on the plate. Surround him with the
radishes or tomatoes. Put a sprig of parsley on top. Serve.
Ice
These recipes have either been written by Keebler, or have been suggested to Keebler through E-Mail or posts on a.b.d4.
If you have more recipes, email Keebler and send your recipe for the Magenta Menace... maybe your recipe will end up in the book!
